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I am waiting for the moment you take me and make me yours. I have fantasized about you for so long, watching you grow into the fine young man you are, the bold and strong person you have become. I long to have you touch me, caress me, take my womanly folds and claim them as your own, using the strength of your love to conquer the territory of my body you continue to seduce. I want to express my feelings with physical, sensual, and emotional contact. I want to touch you and seduce you, love you passionately, fully, and completely. You confessed your feelings for me, and I returned mine to you, but we were both in a position where we could not fully express them, now, we have the chance to do that, bask in the glory of our love for each other. I want to express to you my love totally, in any way that I can. I do not know how to express myself any more to you than the ways I know best, emotional, sexually, verbally, and on this written page…My sweet, sweet John, I do understand if you. But now it’s different.”This felt like it was turning into Becky all over again. And I had walked right into it. How could I be so stupid?! So far, only Mary seemed to be able to keep a full separation between sex and love. Melanie came close, but still had her moments. I kept thinking I could separate them, but fell into the trap far too often for that to be true.I wondered if this was what Birgit was trying to teach me. Teach me that it was so easy to fall in love with someone you had sex with. Was that why I loved Birgit? I didn’t think so, but then again, I never had the chance to find out. And I never would. Fate had ripped her away from me before I could know.I had told Jennifer that I didn’t love Joyce, but now I was getting those stirrings. I was falling into the same trap once again. I had already fallen in love twice after Birgit. I wrecked both those relationships. One was done, most likely forever. The other one was just getting back on an even keel.I realized I had not.
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